Saturday, February 11, 2012

Game On!

These events occur on the morning of Thursday, February 9 2012., on the second floor between the master bedroom, nursery, guest room (Purple room), bathroom and Moira's room. 

Bryan is in the shower, while Moira, Maeve and I have just ascended the staircase. 
School is to begin in less then one hour. 

8:11 am

"Mo," I say, "Pick up your stuff and meet me in your sister's room so we can get you dressed."

"M-kay" she says, and promptly returns to chasing her sister around her bedroom with a plastic banana. 

"MO! You're going to be late for school!"  louder this time. 

"I'm playing with Shiny!" obviously ignoring my plea. 

Mo = 1, Jackie = 0

8:13 am

"NOW!" My voice no longer speaking, takes on a forceful tone, as I pick out Maeve's outfit for the day.  

"Come and get me!" she says between giggles. Running into the guest room. 

"Bye Mom!" Maeve adds, following behind. 

"Let's go Moira!" I say, 

closing my eyes, 

willing her to me. 

"Get your clothes and let's get dressed!"

"God is so big! God is so big! God is so big!" 
she bellows. Her voice filling the entire space.
Somehow Maeve has abandoned her pajama bottoms and now dances in her diaper beside. 

Singing about God!
How the hell am I suppose handle that one?
You're going there kid? 

Mo=2, Jackie = 0

8:16 am

The singing has be replaced with squealing. I spy two bodies on the floor, their hands entangled over a ball,  (a former happy meal toy from McDonalds long ago discarded and now recently discovered under the bed between the dust bunnies). 

"Let it go!" I hear. After unsuccessfully attempting a head butt, she throws a shoulder.

"MMMMOOOOOOOOOOMMMMM" Maeve cries, her hands still grasping the dusty ball. 

"Give your sister the ball, Mo." I say, "You need to get dressed for school."

"I don't love you anymore!"
Her blue eyes wide, facing directly at me. She has released the ball and now stands, solemn looking for the reaction.


"Well, isn't that sad? I still love you."

Haha! Touche, kid you can't beat me!

Mo = 2, Jackie = 1

8:21 am

Clothes = ON both kids!

Go me!

"Where are your socks?' I ask, as I pull the white sock onto Maeve's foot.

"I don't know. You find 'em" she says, running away.

"Moira Ann, find those socks!"
yup, first & middle name...I mean business.

"Nope!" she sing songs,

I take a step towards her. She squeals then runs back into the purple room.

Damn, I should have shut that door!

"Where are those socks? You're going to be late for school!"
I can feel the anger rising, as I hear more giggles.

"Where are the SOCKS?" I plead. She has somehow made it under the plaid quilt on the bed.

"You can't find me!" she laughs.
At three, she's of the mindset that if she can't see me, then I can't see her.

Even if she's blatantly hiding in plain sight*, on a normal non-stressed day, I'd play along, offering something like, "Oh, where is Mo?"
*check out this Louis CK video

But not today.

This morning is different.
It's already 8:22.
Our to do list is still long: Hair, Shoes, Breakfast, Coats, Packing into the car, Getting out of the car, Up the staircase to the great room before finally dropping her off with her class.
I cannot play this game.

Tearing the quilt off her hand, I step over Maeve and attempt to pick her up.

"NO!" She hollers, her legs and arms thrashing about.


8:23 am

The shower turns off and the door opens abruptly. He pokes he head, water still beading on his face.

"Moira Ann."

Caught, she stops dead in her tracks, and slowly turns her head.

I'll call it an assist by Bry.

Mo = 2, Jackie =2

8:28 am

Finishing the ponytail on Maeve, I turn to find Mo has disappeared again.

"Mo, Let's go!" I say rising from the chair, walking towards the door. Into the hallway I look, when out of the corner of my eye I spy the little metal box. Her chubby hands grab the open container from the stool. In what seems like slow motion, I yell, "NOOOOO MAAAAEEEVVVVEE!"




Fall an entire container of elastic hair ties under and around the bed.

"Really kid?" I sigh.

"What happened Mama?" she asks, somehow she has appeared in the bedroom. Her hair, ragged around her face, obviously in need of brushing. "I help you."

"Thanks Mo, and then I can do your hair for school."

" 'kay Mama" she says, with that twinkle in her eye.


The events continue on the first floor, kitchen and living room.

8:34 am

"Pancakes, Waffles, or Cereal?" I ask, as my eyes glance at the clock on the stove. "We've got ten minutes to eat, gals. What will it be?"

"I not hungry." she says, putting her head onto her hands.


"Pancakes, Waffles, or cereal Shiny?" I ask, this time glancing at Maeve who has managed to copy her sister with her own head on her hands. The mention of food perks her up.

"Pancakes and juice box!" she says as Mo barely acknowledges the response.

"Pancakes it is!" I say, reaching for box of frozen mini pancakes in the freezer. Pulling out five, I toss them onto the little blue plate and set them in the microwave.


Her words punctuated with emotion, fill the kitchen.

"Hmph!" as her head returns to her hands.

"Pancakes!" Maeve giggles.

"Shiny, be quiet! I no want to eat pancakes"

beep, beep, beep.
I take the pancakes and toss them with a half a banana each onto plates.

"Breakfast is served!" I say, placing a plastic princess plate in front of each. "Let me get your vitamins."

"I no eat pancakes." she says.

"Fine, fine. Eat your vitamin."

Glancing at the clock, it is now 8:40 am. We need to leave in no more then 10 minutes to make it to line up at school.

"Okay, Mo at 8:44 we're going upstairs to brush your teeth. Either eat now, or that's it". I say. 

I'm over this crap. She wants to starve, fine. She doesn't want to eat the delicious frozen pancakes I've nuked. fine. She wants to pout, fine. In between bites of my own cold cereal, I start to cool down. I'm letting it go, letting all this crap go.

"Alright we have one minute until we're going upstairs to brush our teeth." I say.

"Wait!" Mo exclaims. "These aren't blueberry pancakes?"

"Nope" I mutter.

"I love mini pancakes".

Dude, are you f--king kidding me? These freaking pancakes have been in front of you for nearly ten minutes and you didn't realize there were no blueberries? Why in the f--k on this morning, of all mornings, when I'm ready to throw you out a freaking window would you think I'd chose to be the very first instance where we test out blueberry pancakes? 

Instead I say, " you have exactly one  minute to shove as much of that food into your face because we are going to get to school on time! I'm setting the timer!"

Like the Black Widow at the Nathan's Hot Dog Eating contest on fourth of July, she starts shoving in as many mini pancakes as she can.

Mo = 2, Jackie = 3

8:51 am

"Coats & sneaks please!" I say.

"I need help with my shoes!" Mo sings.

Apparently in one quick moment, she's back to her normal happy self.

"Of course," I say, "let me finish with Maeve."

I attach the Velcro and send Maeve off to her coat.

"I'm sorry Mama for being naughty" Mo says, those eyes staring wide at me.


"It's okay, Lovie" I respond. "Let's get your shoes and coat on and we'll head to school."

Feeling guilty! Way to go Mom!

Moira = 2,  Jackie = 4

8:54 am

In a flip, flop, over the top moment, Maeve has her coat on, and is saying, "Zip me please!".

I turn to her sister.

Six minutes until school. 

"Let's go Mo! Get your coat & hat!"  I say, coming down the stairs, having just completed the fastest teeth brushing ever.

"Mom. We have Chapel?"
"Coat Mo, but yes."
"I love chapel! We gonna sing!"

Five minutes until school.

"Shiny, I love Chapel! I love school!"
"MO! COAT! NOW! Cmon, kid give me a break!"

Finally, she puts the coat on.

"Give your daddy a kiss girls!" I say.

Running in sync, they embrace Bry simultaneously.

"I love you daddy, so much!" Mo says.

Mo = 3, Jackie = 4

8:56 am

Four minutes. 

"Let's get in the car gals" I say, walking out the door, coming to the stairs.

"I got it Mom". Maeve says, tottering step by step. In my impatience, I scoop her up and pounce down the stairs.

"Mama, where's my backpack?" Mo asks.


Mo = 4, Jackie = 4

8:57 am

"Go to the car girls, I'll be right there!"

Back into the front door, I enter grabbing the bag.

"Bye!" I yell out to Bryan, slamming the door behind me.

"Okay girls, into the car!" Pressing the automatic button on my key chain, I hear the familiar click. Without much of a thought, I reach for the handle and pull the door.

It doesn't move.

I click unlock again.

Again, it doesn't open.

Two minutes.

"Stay here." I say.

What the f--k man? Can't I get a freaking break here? Still have to get to school. 

I call out to Bry, "Babe, I need your help for a minute. Can you come outside?"

In his shorts, sweatshirt, & bare feet he comes out on the cold morning.

"What's up?" he asks.

"I can't open the freaking door".

"Hi daddy!" they chime in together.

"Hey girls. Uh, Jac, the door is frozen. Why didn't you start the car? The driver side door can open. Turn on the heat to warm it up. If I try and open the slider, I'm not sure if it'll break."

Hmm? Turn on the car and the heat? Why didn't I think of that? 

With one swift pull, the door opens.

"Get in girls," I pant, "Thanks babe! I love you".

"Having one of those days." he says.

One minute.

Mo = 4, Jackie = 3, Deduction of point for stupidity.

9:01 am

One minute late we arrive to school.
Point for Mo for getting there in one piece, Point for Jackie for not being the last one to arrive.

Final Score: Moira wins, 5-4

Hanging my head in shame, she may have won this morning, but tomorrow's a new day.

1 comment:

  1. Jackie, this is hysterical! I love the pancakes. I can see myself thinking this someday. I was given a blogging award today and want to pass it on to you! I check here every time you update and have loved pretty much all your posts. You can grab the award off my blog. :)


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