Or that I'm that mom.
Nope.
It's the one where I shared how we split the "disgusting" in our household:
Jackie = Team Poo, while Bry is Team = Puke.
I should have known better then to divulge this information to the blogosphere.
I should have kept my big mouth shut.
Why?
I can feel the sand between my toes, as I head into the crisp, blue sea. The salty air hitting my face, as the sea gulls fly over head. I am someplace exotic, warm, and tropical. All my worries gone, as I wade deeper in the water.
"Mom! Mommy! Mommy!" the voice sounds far away, perhaps out in the sea.
"Hmm?" I ask, blocking the rays from my face. "what?"
"Mom! MAMA!" the voice louder, as I turn around and
open my eyes.
Lying in my bed, cuddled between the sheets, I hear my name again.
6:12 am.
Leaving my paradise behind, I stumble across the hallway to Maeve's room. Her sweet voice calling my name again.
Opening the door, the glow of her nightlight shines on her face.
"What's going on Shine?" I ask, walking around to the side of the crib, when I see it.
All of it has been overtaken.
The sheets,
the stuffed animals,
the pajamas,
the crib slats,
all covered in vomit.
"Hi mom!" she says, reaching her arms up to me. Her pajamas and sleep sack covered in the same reddish hue.
F**K ME, as I feel my dinner from the night before churning in my stomach.
Carefully picking her up from the confines of the vomit filled crib, I manage to supress my own vomit, as I disrobe her. Her face, hair, and hands have somehow managed to stay clean.
Yeah, thank you God!
So I slap some new pjs on her with the intention of sweeping her up and plopping her in my bed as Bry takes over.
"Paci?"
Her baby blues look up to me.
Crap
Looking to the shelf where they lay, it's empty.
Crap
Looking to the shelf where they lay, it's empty.
Crap
My eyes scan the contaminated crib.
Crap again
Among the small piles of regurgitated dinner, I see it.
Crap to the fourth
"Paci!" she cries, nuzzling her head into my shoulder. She rolls her face towards me and says it again as our eyes meet, "Paci?"
Crapty Crap Crap!
I did not sign up for this. I'm TEAM POO! This is obviously vomit, so what the hell am I doing sticking my hand into a vomit filled crib grabbing a plastic paci that will eventually return to her mouth?
Somehow, I manage to pick up, with only my fingertips the blue plastic sucker. Dangling it out front, as far from my nasal passages as possible, I head into the bathroom. Thinking the pressure from the spout will be enough to wash off the puke, I hold it under.
Wrong.
It's dried a bit, so I must actually, between gags, use my fingers to scrap off the dried puke, now reconstituted in the water to wet puke.
Yes, dried puke introduced to water now has become wet puke again* and like the go getter parent I am, I'm scrubbing it off into my recently cleaned bathroom sink.
*I just threw up in mouth a bit when I typed that sentence.
Somehow, I manage to pick up, with only my fingertips the blue plastic sucker. Dangling it out front, as far from my nasal passages as possible, I head into the bathroom. Thinking the pressure from the spout will be enough to wash off the puke, I hold it under.
Wrong.
It's dried a bit, so I must actually, between gags, use my fingers to scrap off the dried puke, now reconstituted in the water to wet puke.
Yes, dried puke introduced to water now has become wet puke again* and like the go getter parent I am, I'm scrubbing it off into my recently cleaned bathroom sink.
*I just threw up in mouth a bit when I typed that sentence.
Getting the paci back to acceptable cleanliness, I plop that baby in her mouth, and into our bedroom we roll.
Climbing into the bed, pulling the covers up over the toddler resting on my chest, I nudge sleeping Bry, hard.
"Maeve has puked all over." I say.
Hearing puke must have alerted his senses, because this is most awake I've ever seen him before seven am.
"You need to clean it up, " I mutter, as I close my eyes.
"Got it!" he says, wiping the sleep from his own eyes, as he heads out the door akin to a Zombie.
Not more then a minute later, he's awake, wide awake, as he pushes open the door again to say, "Oh my God Jac, what the f--k did she do? I don't even know where to start?"
"I'd get some paper towels and the spray downstairs." I say, closing my eyes again, readjusting the covers around Maeve and I.
He's Team Puke after all. I have every confidence he can figure out how to clean it up, while Maeve and I finish our nap.
Climbing into the bed, pulling the covers up over the toddler resting on my chest, I nudge sleeping Bry, hard.
"Maeve has puked all over." I say.
Hearing puke must have alerted his senses, because this is most awake I've ever seen him before seven am.
"You need to clean it up, " I mutter, as I close my eyes.
"Got it!" he says, wiping the sleep from his own eyes, as he heads out the door akin to a Zombie.
Not more then a minute later, he's awake, wide awake, as he pushes open the door again to say, "Oh my God Jac, what the f--k did she do? I don't even know where to start?"
"I'd get some paper towels and the spray downstairs." I say, closing my eyes again, readjusting the covers around Maeve and I.
He's Team Puke after all. I have every confidence he can figure out how to clean it up, while Maeve and I finish our nap.
