Thursday, April 21, 2011

Red Writing Hood - My first time!

Dear Fear,
You are banished.
You are over,
done,
finished.
No longer will I tolerate your presence in my life.
I have wasted too much of my life on you and too much of her life. That first neurotic moment I permitted you to permeate my brain, the moment she was placed in my arms, I have never been the same.
You are to blame here.
Because of you, I lost the first few months of really getting to know my little girl. Because of you, I was but a shadow of what I truly am.
Why did I think you were right? What lack of faith did I possess in myself? How could I really think I wasn't worthy, I wasn't good enough, I couldn't be there for her?
Why did I let you overtake me?
I am back. My confidence is back, my life is back as my own.
Why?
Because I said so and I am in charge now.
I am strong, stronger then I have ever been because she deserves a mother.
Post-partum depression has been this heavy burden I have carried alone these months. The fear that I would damage this beautiful, perfect person became so great that I never got to enjoy motherhood. I would put up the facade with those around me, play the part of the doting mother, while this fear would leave me clinging for something.
I am not alone anymore and I don't need to hide this fear. I have support, I have family, and I have faith.
Good riddance!

The Topic: write a formal complaint letter to your deepest, darkest fear, either fiction or non-fiction Please be kind and use kid gloves! This is my first attempt.

9 comments:

  1. That must've felt good to write - so glad you shared it!

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  2. you are right. you are not alone, and you will beat this. writing this post is brave, and gives the fear less power!

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  3. Whoohoo banish that stuff from your mind, it's such a difficult thing but worth the effort. Way to go

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  4. I should confess, this post was not about me, it was about a friend, Thank you for the support!

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  5. Good stuff. Way to give fear hell! Way to take control and be boss. Power is good.

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  6. Good riddance indeed!

    You are not alone, you *are* in charge and you are definitely heard!

    Thanks for sharing this much of your heart- it can't have been easy to do!

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  7. I call BS! Please delete this post or clarify it.

    I was there every single day and you were not depressed, sad, lonely or putting up a facade. In fact, you were completely honest with how much you despised your daughter for being a PITA at 2 months old. I even agreed 100%. Babies suck, then they get older and are awesome.

    So, could we now get off the new-age, 3rd wave feminism crap and enjoy your wonderful life with your daughters. There are women who really suffer from this and you were not one of them.

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  8. The prompt allowed for the situation to be nonfiction or fiction. Additionally, the author has already clarified that it was about a friend. And I assume that she means an actual friend and not a "friend."

    Either way, this was well-written. A wonderful first time submission. Just beware -- TRDC may be habit-forming.

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Let me know what you think.