You are banished.
You are over,
done,
finished.
No longer will I tolerate your presence in my life.
I have wasted too much of my life on you and too much of her life. That first neurotic moment I permitted you to permeate my brain, the moment she was placed in my arms, I have never been the same.
You are to blame here.
Because of you, I lost the first few months of really getting to know my little girl. Because of you, I was but a shadow of what I truly am.
Why did I think you were right? What lack of faith did I possess in myself? How could I really think I wasn't worthy, I wasn't good enough, I couldn't be there for her?
Why did I let you overtake me?
I am back. My confidence is back, my life is back as my own.
Why?
Because I said so and I am in charge now.
I am strong, stronger then I have ever been because she deserves a mother.
Post-partum depression has been this heavy burden I have carried alone these months. The fear that I would damage this beautiful, perfect person became so great that I never got to enjoy motherhood. I would put up the facade with those around me, play the part of the doting mother, while this fear would leave me clinging for something.
I am not alone anymore and I don't need to hide this fear. I have support, I have family, and I have faith.
Good riddance!
The Topic: write a formal complaint letter to your deepest, darkest fear, either fiction or non-fiction Please be kind and use kid gloves! This is my first attempt.
That must've felt good to write - so glad you shared it!
ReplyDeleteyou are right. you are not alone, and you will beat this. writing this post is brave, and gives the fear less power!
ReplyDeleteAmen! Banish that fear!
ReplyDeleteWhoohoo banish that stuff from your mind, it's such a difficult thing but worth the effort. Way to go
ReplyDeleteI should confess, this post was not about me, it was about a friend, Thank you for the support!
ReplyDeleteGood stuff. Way to give fear hell! Way to take control and be boss. Power is good.
ReplyDeleteGood riddance indeed!
ReplyDeleteYou are not alone, you *are* in charge and you are definitely heard!
Thanks for sharing this much of your heart- it can't have been easy to do!
I call BS! Please delete this post or clarify it.
ReplyDeleteI was there every single day and you were not depressed, sad, lonely or putting up a facade. In fact, you were completely honest with how much you despised your daughter for being a PITA at 2 months old. I even agreed 100%. Babies suck, then they get older and are awesome.
So, could we now get off the new-age, 3rd wave feminism crap and enjoy your wonderful life with your daughters. There are women who really suffer from this and you were not one of them.
The prompt allowed for the situation to be nonfiction or fiction. Additionally, the author has already clarified that it was about a friend. And I assume that she means an actual friend and not a "friend."
ReplyDeleteEither way, this was well-written. A wonderful first time submission. Just beware -- TRDC may be habit-forming.