Friday, June 5, 2009

Friday Five

This list was inspired by the woman we purchased our home. From this point forward she will be referred to as D.A.S. as in Dumb Ass Seller!

Today's list: What NOT to do when you are selling your home and don't want to piss off the new owners, especially if your new property and old touch.

1. Don't schedule your movers to arrive at 9:30 am on the the day you are scheduled to close at 10. Remember, your buyers need to do one last walk through of the house, EMPTY! That means if big burly men are taking you dressing bureau and king size bed down the stairway at 9:45 when the buyers are trying to walk through, they (meaning US) will be pissed. And, if one of the buyers is an attorney (uhm, Bry) he or she may start using legal jargon such as "Breach" to scare the crap out of you.

2. Don't decide to get a new puppy three weeks before closing and be confused when the potential buyers ask where you are keeping the puppy. When the put the inital bid on the property they preferred the hardwoods in the condition they were in and did not expect any change to to them or the carpet. It is not okay that one can see the dog hair on the few areas where they is carpet, and the owners are still skeptical of the smell in the potential room for the nursery.

3. Don't hide a hole on the front porch with something that looks like a children's picnic table and never mention it to anyone. Most likely the new buyers will eventually lift the picnic table, find the hole, and then have to decide how to handle this issue. Again, you moved around the corner.

4. Get a broom, dust pan, and brush, and sweep the rooms before you leave. It's filthy inside and really, is it so hard to clean up after yourself?? Especially if you are making a pretty penny off the deal.

5. Remove all window decals before leaving, especially gel displays.

I have to write a little more about item number 5. If you aren't sure what I'm talking about, it's these
For some ungodly reason DAS decided to have these decals in varying styles throughout the home. In the family room I removed blue and white decals that said "let it snow" while in the expansive third floor, I had the pleasure of removing dots of different sizes. In the one bedroom, it was flowers while the other had some sort of dots too. Again, I assume to bring the magic back into the master bedroom, one would think Halloween gel decals would stimulate the mood?? Apparently to DAS it made perfect sense?!?
I should comment about these gel decals and why I believe Satan himself may have developed them. Two windows: one bedroom and the master bedroom have direct sunlight. I assume from extended sun exposure the decals were warmed to quite a high temperature. How high, you ask? High enough to melt portions of the decals so they turned into blob-like messes. In attempting to remove said blob-like messes I developed a coating of sorts on my hands.
Yummy! Of course, as soon as I finished removing them and realized my hands were matted with this melted goo, Mo decide to start crying. After attempting to carry her in to the bathroom with me by my forearms, I used Windex, Lysol tub cleaner, and baby wipes to try and get rid of the film.
Thank you DAS! Thank you!

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