I'll Never...

I first need to offer apologies for my recent absence. It's party planning time in our house, as Maeve hits the big 0-2 this Friday. As is my usual self, I am throwing all my time and energy into crafting, baking, shopping, and acting like the wanna be Martha Stewart I always wished I could be. 
I will take a much needed pause, however to partake in my favorite weekly prompt- Monday Listicles hosted by the fabulous Stasha. This week Greta suggested we confess ten things we said we would NEVER do but caught ourselves doing it. I imagine all the parents that read this have a list the size of Texas filling their heads, because there are so many of these.


As I often say, I knew everything about parenthood
then I had children.  

1. Scream the first, middle, & last name of my child through the house

Really, if we think about it, how silly is this one? When the kid's good, it's all lovey dovey nicknames, and pet names, but the minute the kid turns into a holy terror- Formality!!! I always hated my mother yelling Jacqueline Ann, and swore I'd never use that.

2.  Use The Santa Card

Yeah, yeah, yeah. 

It's July, 

the kids are bat shit crazy. 

I swear it's a full moon and they haven't napped. 

What do I utter?
"You know girls, Santa is ALWAYS watching." 

Cha-Ching! Most days it works like magic. 

I never thought I'd try to manipulate my kids with the big guy in red, but when it works, it works!

Only to be topped by my use of the Santa card is Bry, who has made it clear to Mo that all parents are given direct phone lines to Santa to relay information when children are misbehaving so Santa can take back Christmas presents. 

Apparently not only does Mr. Claus accept phone calls, but texts and emails too. 

3. Discuss my children's bodily fluids

I never thought, outside a doctor's office, would I spend any amount of time discussing any substance which exited their body- be it phlegm, vomit, or waste. Now, it's standard in my circle of friends and family. 

Just yesterday, I amazed Bry as he was making dinner recalling the amount of poo Maeve managed to contain in one diaper! 

Epic Proportions, I tell you!! 

4. Discuss my OWN bodily fluids

Change #3  to include my own phlegm, vomit, waste and add my monthly visitor and you got some interesting conversation I never thought I'd be discussing. 

5. Have friends where items #3 & 4 were acceptable as conversation topics. 

Thank you Danielle, Ash, Lynsay,  Jeanna, & all my nesties!

6. Let my kid use a pacifier

There are some moms that absolutely love the act of breastfeeding. 

I was not one of them. 

I had more then ample supply and it was relatively easy for me & them. 

However, I had no inclination to allow my nipples to become their twenty four hour a day vessel sucking. So, in the hospital (GASP!) I introduced the pacifier. 

No nipple confusion.
No supply issues. 

Happy baby, & happy mommy!

7. Use the bathroom with the door open

Standard operating procedure to yell, fix a toy, read book, kiss a boo-boo all while sitting on the pot.  

8. TV 

I had grand illusions when I was pregnant, that I would rarely have the television on. We'd be too busy playing together. Then I had a kid and it was on a bit. Mainly to help keep my from losing my mind. Then with kid 2, TV became my ally, my friend, my babysitter. 

I'll admit, it's on a lot, mainly on Nick Jr. Their vernacular often includes references to Max & Ruby, Kai-Lan, Kiki, Twist, Shout, & Marina. While I'm eating crow on this point, I do know for a fact Fresh Beat Band does give me 22 minutes of uninterrupted peace and quiet, and I'll take it!

9.Miss my career

I had thought when I left teaching that the throws of motherhood would be blissful and any feelings of loss would be swallowed up in my day to day. But I would be lying, if I did not admit there were moments where i missed it.

I loved teaching and hope someday to return back to the classroom if the opportunity (and Gov. Christie) allow me. 

10. Drive a minivan

Don't be jealous! I love my minivan as I wrote In Defense of Our Minivan.