Monday, January 16, 2012

I'll Never...

I first need to offer apologies for my recent absence. It's party planning time in our house, as Maeve hits the big 0-2 this Friday. As is my usual self, I am throwing all my time and energy into crafting, baking, shopping, and acting like the wanna be Martha Stewart I always wished I could be. 
I will take a much needed pause, however to partake in my favorite weekly prompt- Monday Listicles hosted by the fabulous Stasha. This week Greta suggested we confess ten things we said we would NEVER do but caught ourselves doing it. I imagine all the parents that read this have a list the size of Texas filling their heads, because there are so many of these.

As I often say, I knew everything about parenthood
then I had children.  

1. Scream the first, middle, & last name of my child through the house
Really, if we think about it, how silly is this one? When the kid's good, it's all lovey dovey nicknames, and pet names, but the minute the kid turns into a holy terror- Formality!!! I always hated my mother yelling Jacqueline Ann, and swore I'd never use that.

2.  Use The Santa Card
Yeah, yeah, yeah. 
It's July, 
the kids are bat shit crazy. 
I swear it's a full moon and they haven't napped. 
What do I utter?
"You know girls, Santa is ALWAYS watching." 
Cha-Ching! Most days it works like magic. 
I never thought I'd try to manipulate my kids with the big guy in red, but when it works, it works!

Only to be topped by my use of the Santa card is Bry, who has made it clear to Mo that all parents are given direct phone lines to Santa to relay information when children are misbehaving so Santa can take back Christmas presents. 
Apparently not only does Mr. Claus accept phone calls, but texts and emails too. 

3. Discuss my children's bodily fluids
I never thought, outside a doctor's office, would I spend any amount of time discussing any substance which exited their body- be it phlegm, vomit, or waste. Now, it's standard in my circle of friends and family. 
Just yesterday, I amazed Bry as he was making dinner recalling the amount of poo Maeve managed to contain in one diaper! 
Epic Proportions, I tell you!! 

4. Discuss my OWN bodily fluids
Change #3  to include my own phlegm, vomit, waste and add my monthly visitor and you got some interesting conversation I never thought I'd be discussing. 

5. Have friends where items #3 & 4 were acceptable as conversation topics. 
Thank you Danielle, Ash, Lynsay,  Jeanna, & all my nesties!

6. Let my kid use a pacifier
There are some moms that absolutely love the act of breastfeeding. 
I was not one of them. 
I had more then ample supply and it was relatively easy for me & them. 
However, I had no inclination to allow my nipples to become their twenty four hour a day vessel sucking. So, in the hospital (GASP!) I introduced the pacifier. 
No nipple confusion.
No supply issues. 
Happy baby, & happy mommy!

7. Use the bathroom with the door open
Standard operating procedure to yell, fix a toy, read book, kiss a boo-boo all while sitting on the pot.  

8. TV 
I had grand illusions when I was pregnant, that I would rarely have the television on. We'd be too busy playing together. Then I had a kid and it was on a bit. Mainly to help keep my from losing my mind. Then with kid 2, TV became my ally, my friend, my babysitter. 
I'll admit, it's on a lot, mainly on Nick Jr. Their vernacular often includes references to Max & Ruby, Kai-Lan, Kiki, Twist, Shout, & Marina. While I'm eating crow on this point, I do know for a fact Fresh Beat Band does give me 22 minutes of uninterrupted peace and quiet, and I'll take it!

9.Miss my career
I had thought when I left teaching that the throws of motherhood would be blissful and any feelings of loss would be swallowed up in my day to day. But I would be lying, if I did not admit there were moments where i missed it.
I loved teaching and hope someday to return back to the classroom if the opportunity (and Gov. Christie) allow me. 

10. Drive a minivan
Don't be jealous! I love my minivan as I wrote In Defense of Our Minivan


  1. Hahahaha! I am right. there. alongside. you.
    On all of 'em.
    Especially all the bodily fluids stuff.

  2. Oh yes! I try very hard to not talk about my kids' bodily fluids, but I always do. At length. I recently had an hour long twitter conversation with someone about my daughter's poop.

    I'm not proud.

  3. I do like that "not know motherhood until you become one"
    I hear you! BTW, tell the girls your friend Stasha is followed on Twitter by Santa Claus. It is absolutely true, instant access!!!

  4. love all of our conversations ;)

  5. So true about those body fluids!

    p.s. I don't know why, but I wasn't following ur blog in GFC. Done now!

  6. Fond memories of #1, LOL Great list

  7. Great list, and oh so true. Although I didn't do the minivan. After all, we only had one child. But I really secretly WANTED the minivan!

    And the pacifier? I would not be alive today without it, I assure you. Came out in the hospital, too, and no, we had no issues with it.

  8. son #2 only dumped his pacifier for good this summer...he was SEVEN for god's sake. True, he was "only" using it at night but good lord. And now I'm paying the price: hello, orthodontist? We will apparently be buying our ortho a new summer house and perhaps a new car, into the bargain. Sigh.

  9. I can relate to #1 - as that seems to be the only time he can hear me. and then there is #7 - why would you want to shut the door? it only makes it harder to have an unnecessary conversation with someone!!!

  10. Love these because I can identify with them all. And seriously, why can't I close the bathroom door? Just why?

  11. Add comment on blog posts to #7 and I am with you! LOL - fun list!

  12. OOOH! I love your list! It could've been mine!

  13. Ah never peeing alone again! How I miss it!

  14. If I didn't talk about bodily fluids I might shut up once in a while.


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