Wednesday, November 28, 2007

I'm not always goofy...

As I was driving the long commute home today, I think it honestly sunk in that there is a real living being growing in my abdomen. Over the past few weeks I have started to feel him or her kicking and moving around. It's honestly so surreal. In just 4 months there will be a little person depending on me (and Bryan) for all it's wants and needs. While I'm really excited about meeting him or her, I am terrified of the unknown. I feel like I have huge shoes to fill. My parents are and have always been fantastic. People at work have made comments that I'll be a natural with children. What if I'm not? I realize babies don't know any better, but I do. There's so many "what if's" right now as we patiently wait for these last 19 or so weeks to pass.
I realize having a child is going to change everything, but what will this mean for me? I have been defined by my job these past 7+ years. I have my routine, my friends, my classroom, and students. I know, well pretty much, what each day is going bring. I am confident in my role as a teacher. I know I am good at what I do, and I know I'm effective. I make a difference and I enjoy myself daily. Now to understand that in a few months I'm abandoning this for a new job. Deep down, in my heart I know everything will be fine.
I know I am going to screw up things when this child is born. I will make mistakes and the kid is going to cry. I am going to cry and maybe Bryan may even cry, but I know, deep down, it's going to be worth it. This child is going to be the best surprise we never planned for!

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