Tuesday, January 28, 2014

A Whole Lotta Vagina in the House

"There's a whole lotta vagina in this house".  Moira aged 5

This is the truth when living in a home with three daughters under the age of six.

Mo made this comment not soon after I had Margo one night at the dinner table. My husband is outnumbered in a house full of XX chromosomes, and if pressed, he admits he would not want it any other way. 

To some the idea of three daughters sounds like a nightmare, while others believe it heaven on earth. For us, it's us. Our complete family, the family I had always dreamed.

Generally those close to me have refrained from comments on our female heavy family. It is however the rest of the public who have yet to catch on.  

While pregnant with Margo, I found myself answering numerous questions from complete strangers regarding our desire to add to our family. Pair this with the various unsolicited comments that made their way to me, and one might might believe a notion that for our family to be complete, we needed a boy.

Imagine the disbelief when I had the audacity to outright admit I hoped for another girl?

I still answer questions now, as the mother of three daughters that make my brain question some members of humanity.

These are a few nuggets that came my way:

"Oh. Are they all girls and are they all yours?"

Yes and yes.

"I'm sorry."

Wait, are you talking to me? Why would you apologize?

"You must have your hands full, you know, with three little girls?"

No actually right now they're empty, as the two younger ones are secured in the new car carts and the older one is actually of an age where I can trust her to walk around the grocery store. Oh you mean, hypothetically, my hands are full because I have a house of girls.
Yes. My hands are full. Not because they're girls, but more so because there are three children under the age of six who demand my complete and utter attention 99.9% of the time day in and day out.

That usually is enough to stop the comments. But there are others that stick out as quite memorable.

"Don't you want to give your husband a son?"

And frankly this statement demonstrates that the speaker obviously missed the biology lecture in which we learn that it is the male of our species that determine sex. He had his chance, via HIS sperm for a boy. Talk to those failed swimmers that were Team Bry.

"Don't you feel like you're missing out?"

Really? I am at a complete loss with this one. I think the only thing we're missing is another penis in our house. 

"No. I mean, don't you feel like since you don't have a son you miss out on stuff."

Again. no.
Thanks to Title IX and the Equal Rights Amendment, my daughters have the option of pursuing their athletic dreams, and academic pursuits. 

"Girls can't(insert activity here)".

I have two things as of today they cannot do because they are girls. One is become a Catholic Priest, and the other is pee standing up.  Thanks to some childhood friends who invented the Go Pilot, the peeing standing up has a chance of becoming a reality, and in my honest opinion, based on the current state of the Catholic Church, perhaps there may the open door policy for women by the time my girls are of age.

"But who will toss a ball around with Bry?"

Have you met my daughter Moira, or as I have recently discovered was nicknamed the "Mo-chine" by a parent of a soccer teammate? He has nothing to worry about there.

"Who will carry on the last name?"

One of them. All of them. None of them. It's up to them. There is no guarantee that just because we have a son he will reproduce, or just because we have daughters they will take the surname of their spouse.

"Oh, you'll have to pay for three weddings".

Again, not necessarily. Let's get them through high school and college, have them find a good job, and a suitable life partner before we worry about who will cover the expenses for these fictional weddings.

"Girls are tough. They're emotional all the time, and they never shut up."

Have you met my brother?
(Sorry Joey.)

Ultimately, our family is perfect for us just the way it is, four females and one male.

As my husband likes to point, as the only male in a house full of women does have some benefits. We agreed early on after Moira was born, that I would give our daughters the sex ed talk, while Bryan would take on any sons.

Point for Bry here.

Also, we agreed that in general, out and about, I would be the one to take our daughters into the restroom, as the men's rooms are usually less clean.

Again, score another point for Bry.

In the end, I think all parents, or at least most of us hold fast to the notion "we get what we get and we don't get upset". In our case, this is getting to parent three fabulously fantastic little girls. I don't sit around dwelling on the fact we don't have a son, because in the scope of things that matter, it's the furthest thing on my list. And also, if I do have the time to actually sit, it's spent eating, or catching up on the DVR or composing some piece like this.

I don't claim to understand all daughters and frankly I doubt we may fail to understand most girls.  But we do 'get' our girls. Diversity at it's best thrives in our home I do say. As even though they share the same DNA, they are as different as can be.

Our home is filled with love, lots of energy, and as Mo said, a whole lotta vagina.


  1. I love this post. I love you!!

    I completely GET what you are saying and agree with you so very much: people are ridiculous and the things they say are so absurd. But why does every one say things like that? Not just old people where you could blame it on a generational ideal of the world. Friends of mine talk like this!

    I always get "Oh, you are so lucky, the perfect family: one girl and one boy". WTF?!? Seriously? I'll never understand that and certainly don't feel my children's sex has anything to do with how lucky I am. :)

  2. Oh my gosh...you're title though. LOL. I had to come right over.

    Well, I have 3 kids, so I know - busy is busy no matter what sex they are!
    Boy came first and 2 daughters followed. So, the vaginas...er, girls - still win out in this house, which the boy may get concerned about when they have tackled him and sat on his head. but otherwise we don't think about. why would we? we're too busy enjoying our family.

    but I cannot get the questions that some people ask. or the ridiculous statements. Like saying we should keep having children because we make such cute kids. what?
    like that's totally the reason to have children. SMH.

  3. I can't believe people and their comments. As if they know what's best for your family.

  4. People really say all that???? I"m shocked! Seriously.

  5. I'm a mom to only boys, and I have gotten those same kinds of comments too. It's astounding what strangers think they need to say. Just like you, I think my family is a perfect fit for ME and I wouldn't want it any other way.

  6. I hear most of this, too (minus the wedding stuff and a few others, but with some other boy-related questions added in). It's like someone out there determined that a family is only complete if you have one of each gender and if you have all girls or all boys, there's something wrong with that.

    There's not. I love my family, exactly as it is.

  7. I'm with mj and Shell, it definitely goes both ways. And, uh, the standing up to pee thing is definitely over rated. Yep, you do have your hands full but because you have three kids (or two or one), not because of their gender. My boys don't toss the ball around too much and if they do, it is usually with me. Just because they are boys doesn't mean they will be interested in sports anyway.

  8. I'm always in shock over the things some people will say.

    I love your post title. I saw it on Shell's blog and had to check it out.

  9. Well, I have 2 & 2! I would not change a thing. Girl, 2 boys, & girl. My oldest girl thinks she is the princess of everything. My oldest boy rides dirt-bikes and drives a big (Dodge) truck. Boy # 2 is in marching band and daughter #2, plays softball, volleyball, and rides dirt bikes. The boys never played sports only daughter #2. When I only had the 2 oldest, all I ever heard was "perfect, 1 of each, you don't need any more!" I was like, "but, I want more!" It's just funny what people say and think about "other" people's families.

  10. This is GREAT! I am mother to one child, a daughter. I used to get "it's not a real family unless you have at least 2 children" and "when are you having another" and "it's not fair to her that she doesn't have any siblings." People. They are funny, aren't they?


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