Rinse, Repeat

I have hit a wall my friends.

I thought I had this three kids thing down.

All  are fed, clothed, and kept clean to a degree.

We have managed to keep our house in one piece. No visits to the emergency room...yet. We've made it to school, library story hour, play dates, grocery shopping trips, and even a few meals out.

I assume from the outside I look like I have it together. I'm trying to be brave. I'm trying to appear normal, but I'm not yet. Every night, as bedtime looms, my anxiety increases. Sleep is nothing but a joke right now. I've tried to keep it together as much as I can, but I lost it last night. Grabbing Bry and holding him tight I started to bawl.

I am at a loss.
I don't know how to fix it.

Margo is a shitty sleeper, and by default, I have become one too.

For my friends reading who have known me for any extended period of time know that I need sleep. Like, consistent, 8 hours plus a night. We're working on five and a half months of sporadic at best stretches of sleep for me.

I'm baked. I fried. I toasted. I'm melting. I'm completely and utterly done.

I remember vividly Moira sleeping well. I thought waking up once a night at three and half months old was bad.

Boy, did I have it wrong.

I will confess here, much of Maeve's first year is a blur. I assume it was a survival mechanism as I did have two kids under two for much of each day by myself. I don't remember yearning for sleep as much as I do now.

This whole third kid is another story. Thank God she's cute and has a good disposition.

Confession here, this morning after nursing Margo and setting up Mo with her usual cereal bar and milk, I spent an hour scouring the web for sleep solutions. I seriously contemplated typing:
Tell me, oh wise and powerful Internet, how can I get my kid to sleep for longer than three hours because I'm on the verge of a nervous breakdown? in the google search window, but instead settled on sleep training + 6 month old.

Alas, from this little bit of research I realized it's time for this mama to suck it up. Cry it out commences today, or for you PC peeps- I'm using the extinction model of sleep training.

It's currently 3:19 pm. I set Margo up in the crib, awake at 2:00. She screamed for 13 minutes. I prepped Mo and Maeve for the worst.
Margo's got to learn how to go to sleep in her crib. I shared. I refrained from adding so mama doesn't go cray-cray. to the end of that sentence.
She's still asleep.

I won't peek.

Tonight, I'm going to try this extinction method again. (It does sound so much nicer than crying it out, right?)

God help me that it works, and she sleeps for more than three hours.

Hopefully this little hurdle can be jumped tonight or tomorrow, and my bed can become my refuge again.