Thursday, May 17, 2012

Mommy Fail

It's the afternoon of Mother's Day.

While Maeve quietly naps in her crib, Bry has taken Mo up to the third floor playroom giving me the chance to curl up in my bed and nap.

Ah, sweet sleep.

It's only been about forty minutes when I hear the footsteps descending the stairs. Into our room they walk. Bry  first, nodding his head, while Mo follows behind. Her own blue eyes failing to make eye contact, as she enters our room.

Pushing myself up into a sitting position, I lean against the pillow. Without words, we share a glance. That parental look where without words, the shared experience that something big has gone down.

I gulp as he begins, "Tell your mommy what just happened."

She fails to lift her head, as she whispers, "I don't wanna. You tell daddy."

"We were having a great time upstairs, right Mo?"

"Yeah, daddy", she mutters, still head downturn.

"We played with some toys, and then Mo asked if we could play a game. She chose Zinga. What a great game, right Mo?"

Her eyes lift for a second here, and meet mine, "Yeah daddy."

Her focus returns back to the floor.

"Well, we played a few games. Do you know that Mo is really good at Zinga? She beat me three times in a row! We started another game and she got a little messed up. She picked up a piece she wasn't suppose to and then she said something naughty. What did you say, Mo?" he has taken a seat next to me on the bed, as she has moved behind his body, trying to hide her eyes from my own.

"I don't know" she mutters.

"Yes you do" he says forcefully. "Tell mommy what you said."

"Shit" she says.

Biting the inside of my mouth I try unsuccessfully to keep the laughter from escaping. "Why would you say that?" I ask. "That's not really nice."

Bry cuts me off, "You didn't say 'shit'. Tell mommy what you really said."

"What did you say Mo? I promise I won't be mad, if you tell me the truth." I plead.

Bry continues, "It's alright right now to say that word. You won't ever get in trouble for telling the truth. Mommy needs to hear what word you said."

The tears fill her eyes as her glance meets mine. "I don't want to" she cries.

"You need to tell mommy what you said." he goes on. "I know it's not nice, but tell her anyway."

Shaking her head, she looks up again, "No. I'm scared".

Brushing her bangs from her hair, he pulls her into his arms. "It's important you tell her."

"Okay daddy." she says. Turning her face to me, "I said fuck."

Fuck me.

There's only one person who made the mistake of saying this word a few times in front of Mo and Maeve.

It's me.

This is all my fault.

"Well Mo, that is really not a nice word. It's wrong when Mommy says it, and it's really hurtful. I'm sorry I said it, and I really hope you don't say it anymore. It hurts peoples' feelings and is not nice." I stammer.

Bry chimes in, "It really is the meanest word you can say, Mo. We don't want to hurt people, right? So let's not say this again, okay?"

"Okay daddy. I'm sorry" she concedes.

"Okay babe. I need you to go play in your room for a few minutes while I talk to mommy, okay?" he asks.

"Of course daddy. I'm so sorry." she adds, skipping out of the room.

I'm at a loss here.

I know this is entirely my fault. The girls are with me all the time. I know my loose lips are too blame. All too often I have let these things escape, falling on their ears.

He doesn't have to say word.

I'm wrong.
I'm to blame.
I messed up.

"I feel like crap. I really messed this one up." I say. "Happy Mother's Day to me!"

"Well," he starts, "You do have something to be proud of. She knows how to use it in context."

"What do you mean?" I ask.

"She had messed up the little plastic piece, and looking up, with an exasperated sigh, she said, 'ah, Fuck!'. It was in a totally appropriate context, I mean, if you're looking to use fuck in context, this was the place. That's one of the reasons I figured we should talk it out. It wasn't like she just randomly threw it in conversation. She used it appropriately. Our kid already knows how to curse the right way." he finished, nodding his head the same way he did when he came into the room a few minutes before.

"Well, I guess I should be proud, right? She's pretty damn smart then, right?" I sighed.

"Ah, we all mess up, and I'll be honest. It's kind of nice seeing that this is pretty much all your fault. You're not a perfect parent after all." he says.

I'm nodding now as I say, "hardly the case of perfect parenting here. Sucky mom, that's what I am!"

He leans over and wrapping his arms around my shoulders. "Not a sucky mom" he says, "just one with a potty mouth".

Linking up with Erica M, and the best little blogger challenge:  Yeah Write.
read to be read at yeahwrite.me

51 comments:

  1. Ah fuck. If only perfection was attainable, and assigning blame was not so delicious. Happy Mother's Day to the woman who is keeping it real. Ellen

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  2. heh, i'm sorry she said this on Mother's Day, and in context, but, that's a damn funny story. and you should NOT beat yourself up over it. i mean, it's not like she's screaming FUCK YOU to someone for pissing her off. kwim? it's funny b/c while i've tapered back on my "potty mouth" since Lovie started parroting me, i still get mad at times. irritated. and even if i don't cuss, it's in the tone (and yes, i do still cuss at times- it's HUMAN NATURE damnit) and Lovie ALWAYS says, real matter of factly and very sternly, "STOP IT, MAMA!" like she's the adult and i'm the kid. really, every single time this happens i end up apologizing to her (she's right!) and feel like i just got scolded by my mom. i love these kids. :)

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  3. When my son was about 5 or 6... He looked me square in the face... innocent as could be.. and said "Mommy.. is FUCK a swear word?" He was SO mischievous about it... I knew he knew... but you cant come out and call him a liar.. but the inflection on the word was clear... he was enjoying getting away with something... "Yes Son... don't ever say"... "Okay, Mom... I will never say FUCK, because its not nice"... seriously... I love that kid

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  4. I am guilty, guilty, guilty of this! 100% guilty. I am ashamed at what a release swearing is. I am an educated person. Why can't I come up with better words than swear words when I am frustrated? Well, because when life gets hard, "Aw, shucks" doesn't cut it. If it makes you feel better, my darling little cherub of a child yelled, "Fuck" while running in the back of the church during her cousin's baptism. She was 21 months old and not speaking much of anything but that...loudly and as clear as day in front of the whole family. Happy Belated Mother's Day!

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  5. Bwaaahaaahaa!!! Oh dear...potty mouth! I would have crapped my pants ;)

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  6. Can I just say that I love this?? Our 2 year old used fuck in just the same way. Exasperated, he put his head down on the counter and that's what came out of his mouth. I nearly died. And, yup, he got it from me.
    Happy Mother's Day to all of us!! :)

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    1. I guess we've both created some smart cookies, right Heidi?

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  7. Wow! Sometimes a husband just needs one of those "she's not perfect" kind of moments. :) That one took care of it!

    Thank you so much for commenting on my "maybe it's okay" post, btw! I am literally afraid of introducing Candyland for fear of playing it 100 times in a week! :)

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  8. Oh how I love this. So real. So wonderful. I can certainly relate. Thrilled to have found my way here. (Cheers to Yeah Write!)

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  9. Lol, my daughter the other day came across the dogs poop in our living room. She facepalmed her forehead and sighed, "Goddamnit"....Whoops...heh. Totally me. Then yesterday she tripped over her toy and muttered, ah shit. My sons don't copy me but she sure does...I need to be more careful!

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  10. Oh yeah, been there. At least your offspring has the decency to use it at home. Mine like to drop the curse words in public, at very loud volumes. I might as well wear a sign that says "Not Mother of the Year" so they all know ahead of time. Sigh....

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    1. Ah, Delilah, I'd have to take my kids out in public for them to curse it up!.

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  11. Hhahahaa....it would have been hard for me not to laugh at that. Sounds like your hubby handled it well, not being hard on you for it. No one is perfect!

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  12. Mine never got that word from me - I learned it from them I swear, no wait I don't swear!

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  13. Haha, aww!
    It happens to every parent at one time or another, but boy oh boy did I laugh at the silver lining. At least she used it in context!
    Great story!

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    1. I'm proud strangely that she knew out to use it in context.

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  14. So funny. My youngest got very fond the expression "ass hole" also at the time learned from her mother.

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  15. OMG! I feel guilty for smiling. I mean kids, they are so innocent and I can't find the heart to say they are wrong. They learn from their surrounding ;)

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    1. Their surroundings, right? Or their loose lip mamas :)

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  16. ha. well, at least it was in the quiet of your own home, where you could lick your wounds in private - not have to explain it to some neighborhood mom. we are all guilty of passing something wrong to our children, if being articulate and have an expansive vocabulary is one of of yours? not so bad :)

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    1. I do hope by the time she has made it to the SAT's her extensive background in profanity will be a good thing!

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  17. Oh,it's good for them to go ahead and get the F bomb out of the way. No need to feel guilty!! It won't be the last time you hear it, I'm sure! :)

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    1. I know, I know. Honestly, I'm just pissed it was my fault and I can't blame it on my hubby!

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  18. I love this post. Especially the end. You have a good hubby. ;)

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  19. So glad I am not the only mommy with a potty mouth! I try so hard not to say "bad words," but I fail all the time. Luckily for me, they only seem to repeat the bad words daddy says. Your husband seems sweet.

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    1. My mouth is horrible, and I formerly was a first grade/Kindergarten teacher to boot! God help me!

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  20. Awe man, I so get this! I made the mistake of saying "Jesus be careful" and then my daughter repeated it. Now I am just waiting for her to say it in front of my very religous mother. Sigh. Then we will both get into trouble!
    Jenn

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  21. Hahahahahaha!!! Awesomesauce. I am that mom. I curse. Fuck, shit, dammit, fuck, fuck and fuck again. It's what I do. I can't help it. I'm channeling my dead cop father. You know what? Noah is 12. I have NEVER heard him curse. Ever.

    Maybe he's afraid of me.

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    1. Maybe he just knows when & where to say it Kim ;)

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  22. Oh that stinks! When we hear those words come out of their sweet little mouths it really sucks to know we're to blame. Just clean it up mommy, and she will too! Hang in there, and don't be too hard on yourself. We all do this!

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  23. Oh my gosh! I love this. Because--- this is so .. like me. And, my husband would have NEVER let me off that easy!!! You have a great effin' husband ;) And she IS super smart to use it in context!! xo

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    1. Most of the time Kristen, he wouldn't have been so kind. But I think between Mother's Day and the fact my face completely lost all color and emotion, he didn't have to say anything more. My bad, completely!

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  24. oh, happy, happy mother's day. i'm totally the worst at watching my language - i'm only six months away from the same experience. but i'm glad she's a smart cookie and at least used it correctly! :)

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  25. Hysterical that she knew the context.

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  26. I can't even repeat what I've said in front of my kids. Just know that they KNOW not to repeat it at school. Although, I've heard my daughter say g-damnit, which is worse than most other phrases she could have chosen considering the director's religious leanings.

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  27. Sailor mouth Mama!

    Words are words.

    $%**&#())$#@),
    Pippi

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  28. context saves the day yet again. yeah. the whole potty mouth thing is a tough one - good for Bry for finding the silver lining! my son wrote "i hate you" in pencil on the rug once, and he was punished for that, but I also took a perverse pride in the fact that he'd put a period at the end of the sentence. Do the thing lots of people do: every time the kids hear you swear, you have to put a quarter in the curse jar, and at the end of the week use the money to buy an ice cream or whatever. A friend tells a story that she was having a dinner party and a foul-mouthed friend came over, handed her kids a 10$ bill and said "that's for the entire night." Crack me the fuck up.

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    1. Ah deborah that sounds like a good idea, but I don't want to give up my fucking money!

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  29. I have the worst sailor's mouth in the world. I think my husband was shocked when his sweet, quiet Katie first said "fuck" in front of him. Since then, he's realized that it's like my second favorite word, and there's no getting me to stop saying it. Luckily, the cats haven't started cursing yet :)

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  30. Awesome - and I agree - context is everything. Be proud!

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  31. My favorite word. Put mother in front of it and its even better. My niece learned that word in school. She's 10. Her parents never talk that way. I do, but she's only with me a few weeks a year. As your husband points out she used it in context. Hopefully our kids will be compassionate, caring individuals through our example. If they lob the F-bomb in context once in awhile, it matters not. As you are pretty hard on yourself (Mommy Fail) you obviously care and your kid will turn out just fine. Which isn't to say you and your husband should have ignored it. Just don't judge yourself so harshly. Cheers!

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  32. Oh hilarious! I thought it was funny for it to be the sh word but the fu word? Awesome. I think it's because when we say it, we say it with such emphasis.

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    1. The fact she already knew Shit was less bad than fuck, oh me, oh my!

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  33. Oops! Don't feel bad, I swear around my kids all the time. They rarely ever do it, though. (But I am always strangely proud when they use them appropriately...)

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  34. Whenever my child says something bad I pray "Please don't let him blame me, please don't let him blame me!" You're certainly not alone. We can't be perfect all the time but I think you handled the situation very well :)

    Besides, I'm glad to have a partner in 'fail' this week! <--selfish ;)

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    1. There's no doubt who's responsible for this Tracy, though I wish I could have dished it off on my hubs.
      Mommy Fail- Unite!

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  35. LOL! Oh thank God I'm not the only one who let's the F-bomb fly in front of the kiddos. I've been trying to curb my potty mouth since the third grade. I'm 36!!! It's not working. I had to tell my sister the other day that if her 2 year old son swears it's all my fault. I was taking the kids to school the other day and I was in a bad mood and some guy cut me off and then slammed on his breaks. I yelled "FUCKER!" and from the back seat I hear a teeny tiny two year old "BUCKTER!" Woops!

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  36. My two year old sometimes says something that sounds remarkably like "what the fuck?"

    I hear it. I hear it as plain as day. No one else has quite figured out how to translate all of his toddlerese, so no one else has caught on. And, yes, he uses it in perfect context also.

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    1. I find it strangely fascinating here those words coming out of little mouths, especially with that toddlerese!

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  37. I love how she tried to pretend that she said "shit", as a less-offensive option.

    Every parent has done this before. It happens. They survive.

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