Appreciation

"Can we please look at toys now, Mama?" Mo pleads.
"Of course," I reply, "after we get the few things we need".
Target, my place of respite.
There is a certain cadence to my walk, as I push the cart. Maeve strapped into the front basket, while Mo walks along side, as we peruse the aisles. Since everything one could need is located under this one roof, I often spend time browsing. I find it difficult to shop with a purpose here. I cannot recall a quick trip. My cart usually contains more then the list I prepare, and my girls enjoy it too.
Around me, I see a young couple, a large blue diaper bag hangs over his shoulder, while she pushes the cart. An infant car seat sits delicately in the interior basket, as they shuffle through the newborn essentials. My mind flashes back to my own trips with a newborn. My own diaper bag overfilled, a newborn Moira soundly sleeping as I ventured to the outside world.
The memory is jolted as Mo points out, "Toys!".
In the fashion we have adopted as our routine, we walk the aisles. Beginning with sporting equipment, Mo pleads for shinguards for soccer. A promise of purchasing them in the fall, keeps her moving. Maeve's head swings back and forth. Occasionally, she gestures to toys or an audible "ooh" falls from her lips.
"Make a left" I say.
She follows as we continue surveying the collection of toys amongst the next eight aisles. We dance with Olivia, press the button on the Handy Manny toolkit, say hello to Jessie and Woody, and debate potential purchases for a number of birthday parties we have later this summer.
A conversation I have had recently with Bry comes to mind as we finish our walk through the toys. Apparently repeated viewings of Toy Story 1,2, & 3 at bedtime, has left Bry wanting to expand our collection of Pixar films. Mo begrudgingly follows Maeve and I to the videos, however her disposition turns as she sees the familiar faces. She points out characters from the Backyardigans, Toy Story, and even the Simpsons. I see the big bulls eye indicating a price drop for The Incredibles, however the stand is empty. As we round the corner, I find a copy! My happiness is short lived as Mo looks to me.
"I gotta go potty, Mama!" she says.
Immediately I recall a recent trip and quickly we race to the bathroom.
Crisis averted.
I steer the cart into the check out lane.
"Can I get a treat?" Mo pleads, her blue eyes looking up to me.
Unfortunately for her, they don't work, as I respond, "You can get a lollipop in the car".
At the mention of lollipop, Maeve begins clapping her hands in the front of the cart and smiles.
Our items on the belt are ringed up by the cashier. I take my credit card out of my wallet and swipe it through the machine. The girls exchange pleasantries with her the cashier as she hands them stickers.
As I fumble to return my card to the wallet, she comes over to me.
"I just wanted to say you are great with your girls" she begins.
I look up to find a woman, a few years older then me.
She continues, "I saw you earlier and you were so patient with your girls. My kids just graduated. It goes by so fast."
I blink, unsure what to say next.
"I just wanted to tell you to enjoy it" she ends, walking out the door into the summer sun.
I whisper "thank you" as I smile and push the cart, Maeve giggling in the front basket as Mo holds onto the side.

Yum in the Sun

Vamos a Espana

"Jac, do you hear that?" Ashley yelled over to me.
"huhh?" I mumbled, the covers wrapped around my neck.
"Jackie, Ashley, are you guys awake?" her voice muffled through the door as her hands continued to pound.
"Oh my God!" I yelled. "I can't believe we overslept on our first day in Spain!"
This set the tone for the trip:  hurried and frantic, attempting to get as much as we could in during the four days, three nights we spent in the Costa Del Sol, Spain.
When I think back, I still cannot believe fourteen families agreed to send their wide eyed high school juniors and seniors half way around the world with one chaperone. Dr. U, our eternally upbeat and hyper Spanish teacher had discovered this extended weekend away and opened it to those in Spanish three and four. Lucky for us, we had a chaperone with a doctorate in Spanish. It appears the three or four years of high school Spanish did little to prepare us for the actual conversational skills needed, as I found myself asking often "Habla ingles?".
Our iteneria swelled with train rides, strolls brisk walks through Valencia, dinners out, sightseeing, and shopping. We went to Plaza de Toros de Mijas, and watched a bullfight. Looking back, the actions of a bullfight had dance like qualities, and I remember being equally appalled and intrigued as I watched.
We were given two hours of free time the last day and our group remained intact as we headed to the beach.
The tiny smooth pebbles shifted underneath my feet as I walked to the water. I was a competitive swimmer, so I usually preferred the chlorinated water of a swimming pool to that of the ocean, but today was different. It was the Mediterranean Sea, and the panic of never knowing if I would ever be in the position to see it again made any hesitations about wading escape my mind. The voices around me debated the merits the air temperature compared to the water, but it fell on deaf ears. I would make it into the Sea. My feet met the freezing water as a rush of adrenaline filled my body. I could have stopped, but I was determined and into the water I walked further.
"Take my picture Ash. I can't believe I'm in the Mediterranean Sea." I hollered, holding back any shivers. That photo remains in my scrapbook.
That last night, after we had dinner and returned to our room for the night, Ashley and I debated sneaking out with some others to the beach. Apparently someone had procured pear brandy, and the plan was to share the one bottle on the beach. As usual, we were over cautious and remained in our room, frightened of the consequences our one chaperone had threatened. It was in that evening that we made our promise.
"We have to come back here someday" I said, "just you and me".
"When we're older, like in twenty years" she laughed.
Twenty years seemed so distance, so far into the future, especially at 17.

We have five years Ashley, so start practicing your Spanish!

School trips. We all go on them. What trip do you remember the most? Where did you go? Who was with you? How did you get there? Have you ever been back?
Write a memoir post about a memorable school trip. Word limit is 600.

Dear Jackie, (circa 1995)

Dearest Jackie,

  As you read this, you are probably wondering how a letter from "future you" arrived in your hands?  Please consider it divine intervention.
After that, most likely you are looking to the clock, wondering why on a Saturday evening a version of you is sitting home on the computer instead of being out with friends? I imagine that you imagined  future you would be dining out with your husband while a babysitter sat home with your blissfully sleeping children.
Sorry, that is not happening, however  while the happily ever after you imagined does occur, there are a few regrets and words of advice  future you has for current you (errr me?).
I know that you value advice that isn't wishy washy or sugar coated, so let me keep it direct and to the point and of course in list form.
I know how much you, me, we appreciate lists.

1. Don't expect too much from your group of friends, except Ashley.
    You know deep down that most of the people in your circle of friends aren't really that similar to you, or similar to each other for that matter. They are a hodge podge of people who somehow found connections for the moment.  While they serve as companions now, in the future Ashley will be the only one that is standing by you...always. Treasure her and keep that friendship a priority.

2. Relax a little...no a lot!
 There's no reason to be so uptight all the time. Chill out! The habit of always running from one thing to the other leads itself to disaster and exhaustion. You will find this out next year.  Quit always trying to do everything and give yourself a break. Enjoy some time just relaxing at home with mom and dad, maybe even Jeanna and Joey. I give you permission to skip things like work or practice every once and a while too.

3. Write more!
     Writing is one activity you do enjoy but never truly dedicate any time or effort. I know you enjoy writing center in school, so do it a little more. Get a journal and write things down, be it stories, personal reflections or things that make you laugh. (Your friends do and say some crazy things.)

4. Have confidence in yourself!
     First and foremost, you are NOT fat! Get over that. Wear a bikini at the beach, without worry and without covering yourself up. Remember you are a good two to three inches taller then most of your girlfriends and you are an athlete. Of course you're body type is different, but it's good different!
   Dress in clothes you like. Walk tall and carry yourself with confidence. You are strong, smart, and beautiful. Don't let your inner self tell you differently, or anyone else for that matter. 

5. Expand your social circle.
    Make new friends. Give people a chance. The pecking order of high school is not indicative of outside society. Social circles can be fluid, and you should circle amongst many.

6. Don't take yourself so seriously all the time!
   Don't follow all the rules all the time! (Sorry mom & dad!) You have a tendency to over think things. Live in the moment and sometimes do something you're "not suppose".  For example next year, when you go to Spain- sneak out. Honestly, what do you think Dr. U will do to you half a world away if you're caught?

7. Don't fear rejection.
   Think of it as a learning experience and I know how much you value learning. Put yourself out there, in terms of dating, social experiences, and trying new things. Speak your mind yet follow your heart.

To ease those fears:
You will get into college.
You will get a job.
You will find a guy who turns out to be "the one".
You will get your happily ever after and all that goes with that.

Enjoy the ride!
Love,
Jackie
p.s. For future reference when friends suggest driving "not too far " a week after getting your license, a trip which involves taking the expressway to Manayunk is not a good idea!

    Write a letter to yourself at age sixteen. What might you tell your sixteen year-old self? W0ould you warn yourself not to make a certain mistake? Would you ask yourself to treasure being young? Would you tell yourself how much you've changed? You can write the letter from your present self, or from someone else entirely. Feel free to take this in an unexpected direction. Good luck!

Stickers, Promises, and new Panties

If you are a parent, I can assume there was a time you uttered this phrase:
"I cannot wait for xxx to be potty trained! I am so sick of diapers!"
Before Mo had been potty trained, both Bry and I would say this often, many times a week. We were done with it all!
Then, she was potty training and it seemed we were wiping just as many butts as we were previously, but instead of lying on a padded table, now she was standing in front of a toilet.
Diapers were easier, however not really appropriate for a three year old.
We are at a standstill currently. Someone is having a poo problem. A problem that involves giggles as I attempt to chase her around the dining room to change her panties. Phrases like "I had a little accident", "Do you got new panties Mama", and "It's just a juicy fart" fall out of her mouth quicker then I can respond. She's not saddened or upset when it happens, which only aggravates me more.
I want her to be embarrassed or upset, but nope!
SHE LAUGHS!
Poo is a problem!
Besides a sticker chart where she can earn a surprise, Bryan turned to desperate measures. In a night where we had two accidents, then a little incident in the bathtub, I had hit my wall. I was done, cooked, fried!
In a fit of desperation, Bry promised a trip to Disney world in the event she could refrain from an accident.
While this worked for 48 hours, she then preceded to poo in her pants. Bry then told a trip to Disney was lost. She cried, she pleaded, then promised, "I no poo in my panties no more!"
Disney was lost.
However, apparently this fell on deaf ears. Every time she does use the bathroom appropriately I hear from her of her future trip to Disney. "I see Mickey and Minnie, mama." or "Is Tiana there?".
Thanks Bry! I really enjoy crushing the dreams of a three year old!
I guess I'll just have to keep up the stickers and trips to the dollar spot at Target as rewards.
God help me!

Tomorrow

The girls are having their first sleepover at my parents tonight. I know, it's taken long enough and I am over the moon about it!
It's funny when you think about it, motherhood.
There are mamas like me that start out more overprotective. I think being a full time stay at home mama, I had and continue to have difficulty relinquishing control. I am in charge here and handing the reins even for a few hours feels off.
But I'm working on this.
I am realizing now, as I become more comfortable and as my girls become older, I need ME time!
It's not bad to confess that I need time away from diapers and sippy cups. I can have a meal without cutting meat into teeny tiny little pieces and hopefully I can sit and eat. Yes, just sit not get up and down and up down and up and down.
I can have some good quality alone time with Bry.
I can sleep uninterrupted and hopefully late(r).
I can relax a bit and rediscover Jackie.
Spending quality alone time with Grammy & Popsie will be good for the girls. They will be spoiled silly and what else can one expect from grandparents?
I guess it's really a win-win situation.
Bry and I are headed to Baltimore to see U2 with great friends and for the next 30+ hours the only person I have to worry about is me!
Watch out Bono! Mama's cutting loose!

In Charge

I used my hip to push the door ajar, while I balanced the bags in my hands. Almost walking into the large knee high table, I laid my bags down. I switched on the overhead lights, and suddenly the room came alive. The calendar on the wall read September, with the little numbered squares velcroed below, waiting for little hands.

Adjusting the waistband of my skirt nervously, I waltzed around the classroom. Looking at all I had accomplished in those few weeks. Yellow paper now covered old and tattered cork board. Signs and charts indicating days of the week, months of the year, colors and shapes danced happily on the walls. I looked up over the windows and laughed. I thought back to the adventure it had been placing twelve cardboard bears dressed in monthly appropriate attire above the ten foot high windows. A task MacGyver would have appreciated helped to make the room kid friendly.

My hands were sweating and I could feel my breakfast churning in my stomach.
I looked to the clock.
I still had thirty minutes until their arrival.
I walked to the makeshift library I had assembled. As I ran my finger over the familiar texts, I couldn't help but smile. My dad had suggested bringing the Cookie Monster and Big Bird chairs from my childhood. They sat empty now, waiting for eager emerging readers. The reading area was ready.
I looked to the space beside it. Dress up clothes, baby dolls, play kitchen, table, and chairs combined with a stack of menus I had accumulated from various restaurants indicated the pretend area. I imagined little bodies moving amongst the toys, their play actually serving as a part of their education.
From there I nervously rearranged a few wooden blocks in the block area. Soon, they would create high towers and ceremoniously knock them down, blocks crashing into the ground as shrieks of laughter would follow. Now, before they arrived, the blocks stood quiet, anticipating the months of stacking and crashing.
This room already felt like a second home, a place I was meant to be.
The blue carpet swirled around my feet, almost mimicking waves of the sea. Sitting, kneeling, jumping, dancing, hopping, skipping, the kids eventually would do this and more here. They would laugh and sing all under my tutelage. They would grow up before my eyes.
I looked up again at the clock.
It was time and I was ready.
"Welcome to Kindergarten".


This week we asked you to write a prompt inspired by this sentence:
The first time I ________-ed after _________-ing.
We have no idea where this took you. We're excited to find out!