First Rule of Fight Club

First rule of sleeping through the night is the same.

You don't talk about the baby who may or may not have slept 10:30 - 4:45 last night.

I expect to be up all night tonight.

2 + 1 =/= 3

Interesting title, right?

Here I am, back to the blog. The place I confess and share, and rant and write. It's been a whirl, my friends.
Ask any first grader what's 2 plus 1, and he will respond 3.

Simple mathematics, but in terms of humans when you have two children, and one more is added, it sure does not seem like three!

There's exponentially more of everything: more noise, more needs, more laundry, and the need for more hands. It is such a monumental change, the addition of this small little being that the norm is gone.

When I had Moira and Maeve, I remember feeling completely and utterly overwhelmed. As I look back, those first few months after their arrivals I frankly was a mess, emotionally fragile and exhausted.

However this time, I am good.

Really, honestly, truly I am.

We're out. We're about. We're doing as much as one can do during the winter in the northeast.

In sharing my feelings this time around with a few people, I was reminded it may be because now, I don't have the time for exhaustion and emotion.

I am the mom to three girls four years and under, I just do not have the time to cry and think about it.

Perhaps, they're right?

Now as for the girls, that's a bit different. Not only has my norm been altered, but so has theirs.

Don't let the pigtails fool you, this one's been trouble!

Attitude much?

If one asks the three year old, the addition of a new sister is good...most of the time.

Her place has been usurped. The baby no more, she's not quite sure of this new title- "Big Sister". It could be the joys of being three, or the reaction to having a new baby in the house, or the combination of the two, but any way I look at it, Maeve has developed an attitude. There's been doors slammed, feet stomped in protest, and declarations that "I no love you mommy! You not my best friend!" The blatant refusal to do what I ask is what gets under my skin the most.

Yes, my friends, three has taken over my sweet Maeve overnight. She's not the baby anymore and she's not too happy about it.

I asked the pediatrician at her three year appointment how long I should expect this behavior in relationship to Margo, and her response frankly scared me. Between forced smile she uttered, "Well, we just don't know. It can take some time, months or so!"

MONTHS! MONTHS I have to deal with this?!?!

But then I see a sliver of my sweet girl, and I realize she's still there, just trying to make sense of this new normal.

I'm hoping there's more of this!

Moira, however, has basically remained her same easygoing self. While she loves Margo, having a new little sister in the family really hasn't changed things for her too much. She's still top dog and loving it.

This post has taken me some time to finish as my hands have been busy. (I am currently typing with one hand while holding a sleeping babe). 

I apologize for the absence.  I miss this. I miss having this refuge. I miss my blogging buds, but for the moment my hands are occupied with something, err someone else.

Priorities, my friends, priorities. 

Resolution

It's January. The time of New Year's Resolutions and promises.

Will it be the year to lose weight?
Clean out the junk?
Put yourself on the list of priorities?

I don't do it. I don't make resolutions.
Never had, never intended to.

Sure, there's a list of things running in my head that I need to improve upon, which I'm sure is no different than most people. However the first of January does not seem like the natural starting point, even with the excuse of having given birth nearly 4 weeks ago. I will admit, starting  the new year out like that is not my style.

However this year is different.

I have one,
Only one resolution.

Call it peer, I mean partner pressure, but I have succumbed and made one resolution this year.

I guess, it's actually more of a compromise, but given the time of year, I think the term: resolution may work.

This year: I will not be planning Maeve's birthday party. I have given up the manic planning and fully intend to hand over the reigns to her third birthday party to Bryan.

GASP!

Okay, I do realize to the average person this may not seem like a big deal.
I gave birth less than a month ago to my third child.
I have a newborn, a nearly three year old, and a four year old, it's January,and the last thing I should be doing is obsessing over crepe paper lanterns, yarn hair braids, cupcakes, and finding the right shades of purple and yellow while the soundtrack from Tangled plays in the background.

For normal people, party planning should not be all consuming.

However, I am not a normal person when it comes to parties.

I have dove in, head first, into planning these fun little fetes for my girls with dress ups, and games, and desserts galore. I have searched blogs, and party stores, pinned ideas on Pinterest, and scoured for recipes, all to create these fun filled days.

But not this party.

I just cannot do it, and I feel guilty.

Sure, she'll only be three, but for three, Moira got the Wizard of Oz. She got a dress, ruby sneakers, and a faux yellow chalked brick road. She got rainbow cupcakes, pin the heart on the scarecrow, and fruit loop necklaces.

She had hours of my life dedicated to the intricate details of goodie baskets and pinatas.

She had a great party.

And Maeve, well, who knows how this will turn out?

It will be fine.

Yes, it will be a good party.

We'll be surrounded by friends and family who love my kids. We'll eat, drink and be merry.
Bryan's at the helm, so at least we know the food & desserts will be kick ass. My good friend Lynsay has graciously taken over all crafting duties, so Maeve and her guests won't miss out on the homemade touches, and of course, Ashley will be there photographing the event.

Maeve will have a great day and enjoy every second in the limelight.

I know rationally I am not emotionally scarring  Maeve because her Tangled party won't be up to "my standard", but I can't help but feel a bit of guilt that I'm not in the driver's seat this year.

Until then, I'm keeping my resolution and not going crazy for her birthday...this year.

However, during late night nursing sessions, I have already started brainstorming ideas for her fourth birthday.

.

So Long '12

Happy New Year!

With the addition of dear Margo, time seems to be running away from me. The first few weeks (months) with a newborn really leave little if any free time for things like showering, cooking, and blogging. Thus, my yearly photo recap which I would have like to have accomplished prior to the New Year, has been instead left for today, January 1. Please reserve criticism for this entry, as the majority was written one handed, with sleeping baby resting quietly in the other.

Let me share, my favorite photos of 2012. 

January
Our Sunshiny Maevie Baby's 2nd Birthday Party

February
Excitement as we head to see the Laurie Berkner Band

March

An unseasonably warm day the end of the montt brought out the Ice Cream Man

April
Moira's Fourth Birthday Pirate Parrrrty

 

May

Fun at the local street fair

June
We let our little surprise out of the bag!

July
Fourth of July Bry & Maeve with the fireworks

August
The four of us at Jeanna & Ian's wedding

September
Sunset Beach, Cape May NJ
A most perfect end to a wonderful beach day.

October
Boo at the Zoo
The morning before the mass distruction of Superstorm Sandy damaged so much of NJ. 

 

November

Fun with the fall leaves

December
A most perfect Christmas present!
All three of our gals underneath the tree.

We truly have been blessed with a fabulous year filled with lots of fun and family.
Here's hoping 2013 only continues on the same path! 

Just in Time

Here she is, 

just in time for Christmas. 

Introducing 

Margo Elizabeth

December 15, 2012

8 lbs. 20.75 in. 

Big sisters Mo & Maeve are just as smitten as their parents with their little sister. 

Wishing you a very Merry Christmas! 

Birth story to follow. 

Nearly Popped

It's not Monday.
Nor is it a listicle day.
Today's as I hit week 37 of pregnancy I am inspired.

Perhaps it's the kid the size of a winter melon growing in my womb that has brought forth this need to share?

What the hell is a winter melon and why is it in my uterus? 

However, regardless of the inspiration, these last few days a top ten list emerged:

9 Things that Currently Suck 

1. Santa doesn't take a holiday. 

Fact: December 25 is Christmas. 

The day isn't going to change just because I'm officially due the next day. Mama's had to get her shop and wrap on hella early this year to ensure that all this crap is done. Yes, in an ideal world Daddy could have done it all, but really is that fair? 

2. Daylight Savings BLOWS!

The past few days the weather has been lovely. The girls could have most definitely spent hours playing outside after nap time, however there was one major obstacle in this adventure. 

Darkness. 

What the hell? Why is it so dark so early? 

Instead, we're stuck in the house because it's too damn dark. 

3. Getting Dressed in the Morning

37 weeks pregnant + long torso = NO CLOTHES that FIT!

Inevitably, without fail, every day, the bottom of my belly hangs out, kind of like Chunk from Goonies. I guess I should just break out in the Truffle Shuffle, because things will be getting worse before it gets better, as I still have 2 weeks left until this kid comes. 

Thanks Bry for letting me raid your t-shirt collection for sleeping. 

4. My Body

Stretchmarks, swollen ankles, and indigestion - Oh my!

Throw in frequent trips to the bathroom and a daily dependence on Tums and that pretty much sums it up. 

My body is all kinds of messed up. 

5. DMV

Imagine this: One is 37 weeks pregnant when she realizes, "oh my! My license is due to expire the end of the month., the same month I will be having kid three. Crap, I need to get my 6 points together for identification and whoa!
Do I need to get a new photo?

I need to get a new photo? 

I NEED TO GET A NEW PHOTO!"
My bloated, 37 week pregnant face is now enshrined for the next 4 years on my driving license. 

Jokes on me!

6. Answers

No. I am not having twins. 

No. I'm not about to have the baby today. 

No. We don't know what we're having. 

No. We're not hoping for a boy this time around. 

No. My husband won't be upset if it's a girl. 

Yes. I'm sure I know my due date. 

Yes, you are an idiot. 

I also wonder how you even figured out how to reproduce with your significant other. 

If only I could respond to people this way. 

7.  Indigestion

Yes. 

I already wrote about my dependence on Tums, but indigestion is also killing me, 

or at least my dining options. 

I miss you everything bagels. 

I'm sorry I had to skip out on you, dear grilled onion soup. 

Mexican, Chinese, & spices in general -  Love you and hope to taste you soon. 

Oh grease! Oh flavorful food! Oh yummy food! 

I so miss you, and can't wait to taste you soon. 

8. Non Stress Tests

What a pain in the ass? They suck when the only real reason your doctor seems to give for you having to have them is, well, you've gotten fat! No high blood pressure. No advanced maternal age. No high or low amniotic fluid level. No protein in my urine. 

Just seems I got a little to chubby this time around, and so weekly trips to the NST straps I go. 

For the record: I've gained pretty much the same amount as I did with Maeve. 

9. Sleep

The first trimester kicked my ass. I couldn't get enough sleep, and thankfully Mo still napped. Now I've hit the third trimester wall. I sleep crappy at night. I can't get comfortable. I wake up repeatedly to pee and because i have to roll over as all the weight crushes my hip bones.  I need to nap during the day. One problem: Mo doesn't nap too much anymore. 

Thank you DVR, On Demand, Scooby Doo, and Electric Company for giving me 26 minutes of nap time. 

1 Thing That Really Doesn't 

I am so thankful for my friend D due on January 1 with her third child as well. 

Having a friend who is going through exactly the same thing during the same time has been a Godsend.

I can bitch. 

I can moan. 

I can complain and

 feel zero guilt because she's going through the same thing.
I do hope she does not get too skinny too fast after this next kid is born. I know it isn't a competition, but I can't have her looking too good too soon, while I look like a hot mess. 

So that's it, a bunch of the bad and a little of the good. Before the month ends they'll be another member of this family, Christmas will have come and gone, and we'll enter into another calendar year. Until then, I wait and rest and try to get things in order. 

Why love me?

"Mom, I'm a really good runner girl." says Mo. Her confidence boldly exemplified in each and every word. 

"You are." I reply. "You are quite fast."

"I know." she continues. "I'm faster than Maeve, faster than all the kids in my class. I'm super fast". 

"You are my love, yes you are". I respond. 

Where did that self assurance go? 

When did I become so self conscious about my weight? my intelligence? me?

I know I am not alone here.

I think this week Mrs. M from The Bonny Bard challenged us Listicle makers to create a list all about ourselves, a moment to brag, to shout from the mountains, to submit:

10 Reasons I Am Great

1. I can throw a good party.

2. My vast knowledge of random things often surprises those around me.

3. I am strong- literally and figuratively.

4. I hide behind the guise of adulthood, but have the humor level of a twelve year old boy.

5. My glass is half full.

6. I can parallel park a minivan with ease.

7. I grow, birth, and raise pretty damn awesome kids.

8. I make conversation easy.

9. I love fully, deeply, and completely.

10.  I remember...always. 

I've got a challenge for you, dear reader.

I want you to think about yourself. Really take some time, and think about who you are, what you do, and why you love yourself?

Now share, put it out there.
Be it here, a journal, a facebook message.

Why are you great?

I dare you!